81.

"Get over him. He's not even worth it. He is not worth your time or your tears. Yeah you loved him, i know that. & i know you just can't see yourself with anyone other than him, i get that. I've been there. But why should you spend all your time sitting at home, bawling your eyes out and wondering where he is and who he is with. Do you honestly think he is thinking about you? No. Sure it hurts, the fact that he is out there falling in and out of love with other girls. Yeah you're going to see him with one of his new girlfriends. Prepare yourself, because straight up, it's gonna hurt. He will hold her a little closer and squeeze her hand a little tighter just because he knows you’re watching. He knows it's killing you, and that's why he'd do it. Don't let him get to you because that’s exactly what he wants. Don't give him what he want. He doesn't even deserve it. So what if he doesn't talk to you? Do you honestly want to be friends with an asshole like him? I know you still do, but give it time. Because all he would do is talk about his new girlfriend and just try and make you jealous, and really. Do you want to hear that? No. So screw him and his girlfriend. He will be sorry, trust me. When he finally sees you with some other guy who isn't him. With that huge grin on your face and your boyfriend holding you close, he will realise how happy you are now. And how happy your boyfriend is because he has you --- the girl of his dreams. He will realize the huge mistake he made when he let you go, when he decided to choose her over you, when he decided he just did not love you the same. Trust me, he will be sorry. So don't go on spending your nights waiting for that one phone call you know you’ll never get. Or that instant message you know he'll never send you simply because he likes to ignore you. He likes to pretend he doesn't see you online, and he does it out of spite just because he knows it's killing you. When he walks past you in the hallways, he is gonna look past you, but you need to know he only does that because he knows somewhere inside you, it will hurt. I'm not gonna lie to you. It will hurt. It will hurt alot. But it will hurt even more when you see her name and how much he loves her in his profile. It's all going to hurt. Knowing you're not the girl that's making him smile. Knowing you're not the first person he thinks of when he wakes up and the last before he goes to sleep. Knowing you're not the face on his wallpaper. Knowing you won't be spending every single moment possible with him. Knowing there's not going to be anymore late night phone calls arguing about who loves who the most. And you know what? Today, tomorrow, next week, or maybe months from now, your phone will go off with a text message, you will instantly grab your phone hoping it's him saying he wants to give your relationship another shot. But trust me, he's got too much pride. Even if he wanted to get back together with you, he wouldn't tell you. You're soon going to realise he doesn't care about you anymore and he won't be the first person you think of calling when you're upset. He won't be the one to put that smile back on your face. And yeah, it's going to hurt. Its going to hurt alot. But you know what you're going to do? You're going to hold your head up. You're going to show him you're better off without him and you don't need him in your life. You're going to prove to him that he made the biggest mistake of his life by letting you go and that you never really needed him anyway."

Now, i wish i really could apply this to my life. & how much i hope that i was this strong to actually act like nothing has happened, move on and still put on that smile which is not suppose to be there just to let you 'think' that i'm fine and that i will give you my blessings. It's almost impossible for me to just do that, because everything is just too painful. So painful that even the sight of you is stabbing right into my heart, the thought of you coming in and going out like as though i don't feel a thing, as though i'm thr to act as a toy for you to pick up when you need and throw when you don't. I've had enough of this painful nights, it's killing me so badly. & slut, you should have known better to leave than to wait till this day. I'd let you have 'peace' soon, fucking faggot.

Calvin Tanoto, you scarred my life badly. Not going to forget all that you've done and all that you've said. (U)