91.

Know wht? I'm gna do a quick post b'cos in time to come, i'm not gna have the time to do so alrdy. :\ Well, i've decided to give school a miss tdy b'cos apparently i'm still down with flu. Went over to the docs in the morning, and Dr. Lim says he's seeing me the 4th time in January. Does this means that i've been falling sick every now and then? Urghhh.. So yes, bev hit me with a question that got my brains to move a lil', she asked me wht am i gna do now that he's leaving? Hah, all i could say was 'I'm not gna do anything, just gna sit here and watch him leave.' Oh, i doubt that all i can do is just to sit here and watch someone walk away.

I used to be so filled with emotions whenever i knew that he's gna leave but why not this time anymore? True enough, my heart is dead that i cannot even feel a thing. The thing that leads me to cry, the thing that leads me to feel sorry, the thing that leads me to feel so emotional.. All gone, i'm numb! This love that i'm always talking abt, is the love that i finally feel painful, draining and tiring. By now, i believe i'm more or less gone, just that i'm fighting to find myself back. I hated myself for being able to break down and cry all the time previously, but now, i would rather be able to do so thn to not feel a thing. The feeling of being unable to feel a thing rlly scares me alive! Half of me just fucking wants to break down and cry, while the other half of me wants to push him onto the road and get knocked down just to make him feel the pain that i've gone thru' (prolly i still am, but just that i can't feel it anymore) Everyday is another prayer echoing from my bones, asking God to take me away.