57.

Honestly speaking, when was the last time you saw me happy on the inside and at the same time, happy on the outside? When was the last time you held my hands and told me you love me? When was the last time i fell to my knees begging you not to leave? When was the last time tears of joy rolled down my cheeks? When was the last time you kissed me and tell me everything's going to be alright? When was the last time you told me when i'm sick, you'd be there to takecare of me, feeding me my medication on time? It's been so long. )': You made them sounded like fairytales, and i actually believed them. I don't actually think of you only when i'm strong, i think of you when i'm weak too. That makes me even weaker as days go by. You told me to hold on, and now you're actually walking out of my life leaving me in misery. Explain this, soon.

Dad and mum, why did you have to bring me here to suffer in my teenage years? Wasn't i a happy kid when i was young? Now, what have i become? Crying every night when nobody's looking, hoping that it'll rain in the night so that i can go out and cry in the rain w/o anyone knowing, or stuff myself with nicotine? I'm tired of doing all these, my heart sent a nudge to my body telling me that i'm tired of all these, while my heart isn't willing to let somethings go. You both gave birth to a daughter who is fucking contradicting all the time. Tell her what to do, she's very very very mentally and physically tired. She's breaking down really soon. >'(

56.

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you eventually. You've just got to find the ones that are worth suffering for."

Well, i'm suffering from insomnia again, i can't get to sleep. Baby's dozing off like nobody's business now & i'm here entertaining his friend. Well, i guess both of us are holding on to something that will never be ours but still this hurt and pain is one that's worth while, isn't it? I bet he is going to be irritated by me from head to toe soon, i'm repeating 'i miss ______' ever since the start of the conversation. Sorry uh, bo bian. (: Going back to msn nao, will blog in the afternoon if i bother to. Well, can't go for last training later due to injury. :} Holidays, faster come. I need a break from school & that slut. "/

55.

I'm sorry for not blogging for the past few days. I guess, things are starting to get better as i've sorted things out w/ 15th. * Please take note that this post is dedicated to someone who mean so much more than he thinks he is to me. It's not for any random readers, (but if you want to read, go ahead. As i'm not stopping you from doing so.) Thanks for your understanding. Luvyou, readers.

Thanks baby,

For constantly being understanding and trying your best. What i wanna tell you, i've already done so in the text all these while. Read through your inbox and you'd know what i mean. Utterly sorry for being bad, for being unreasonable, for being over-sensitive at times. Like what i've said, one gets jealous easily because he/she doesn't want to lose the other party in their life, simply because they mean so much more than they thought they do.

Therefore,

I love you most. & i know you've fallen ill, you've somehow lost your voice har? Drink plenty of water & take your medicine okay? Buy strepsils for you on monday. ♥ Get well soon, baby. Luvluv, (:

54.

'My feelings for you is ruined, it's dead. I don't blame you for not being able to see how much i love you. I just want you to know that i will let you go and i want you to be happy, even if it's without me.'

* I'd not be blogging at the moment, make this the last post for now. (:

Bbb, everything is not the same anymore. You're changing, i'm changing. All i can say is, i still love you. ♥

Goodbye, 15th.

53.

Firstly, i hate being sick on special occasions. Secondly, i don't like not being with the special one on special occasion. But well, bbb has church & blame me for being madly sick like a greenmonster. (?) So prolly, this will be a belated one. Neway.. Happy 6th monthsary, bbb. Loveyou (K) All that i want to tell you was written in the text that you should have received at 12am. Thanks for all that you've done, all that you've said and all that you've shown. You've definitely showered me with love and i'm very contended already. Once again, iloveyou dearboy. ♥

- Tyw.'s xoxo/"

52.

(ℒℴvℯ yℴu ♥)

Because I'm afraid to loose you, that's why I'm too over protective of you. All these hurts, all these pain, who'd be there to understand me and enlighten me? You're getting further and further away. Day by day, the distance is expanding. I'm already using myself as a sacrifice of love, what else do you want from me? I know I'm not understanding you enough. But once and for all, I hope you'd give both you and me a chance to motivate one another. I don't want to just stop at where we are, because we could do better, go further. So why is this happening?I do blame myself for having to make everything come to this phase. We could correct our mistake and turned back to the other path earlier on, we insisted, and now, we've landed to where we are. Worth while? Where has our promise gone to? Do you still remember them? Do you still remember you once told me, you'd go through this together with me? Then again, why am I all alone? )': Dear one, can you please take a step back, make a U-turn and go back to how we were last time? I've been having nightmares about the same old problem, same old person over and over again every night & I'm scared to sleep): My mum told me, I kept shouting '_____, ____ _____ __. _ ____ ___!):' in my dreams & when I wake up, I'd be in pools of tears. How much has this affected me? )': Bad karma on my previous life? Neway, I still love you & will be keeping all the promises. I'm trying to see that smile on your face again. (L)

Forget his name, forget his face.
Forget his kiss and his warm embrace.
Forget the love that once came true.
Remember now there's someone new.

Forget the love that you once shared.
Forget the face that had once cared.
Forget the time you spent together.
Remember now he's gone forever.

Forget you cried the whole night through.
Forget him when they play your song.
Forget how close you two once were.
Remember now he's chosen her.

Forget you memorized his walk.
Forget the way he used to talk.
Forget the times he was mad.
Remember he's happy instead of sad.

Forget his teasing, gentle ways.
Forget you saw him everyday.
Forget he made your dreams come true.
Remember now she loves him too.

Forget the thrill when he walked by.
Forget him when he made you cry.
Forget the way he spoke your name.
Remember now he's not the same.

Forget the way he said he loved you.
Forget the way he kissed and hugged you.
Forget all those nights when he held you tight.
Remember now he holds her tonight.

Forget the games he played with you.
Forget the times he stayed with you.
Forget those cold, cold nights.
Remember now he keeps her warm tonight.

Forget the way he looked at you.
Forget you kissed him whole night through.
Forget all your dreams came true.
Remember that he doesn't love you.

51.

Precious earth, how's your hectic life going on? Long weekend this national day har! Headed over to Central to celebrate cousin's birthday today. After so long, i finally bought my DKNY perfume. Thanks mom! While eating, some stupid idiot girl by the name of Cathrine called me. LMAO!

(Cupcake. ♥)

This stupid girl really wanna make me laugh my heads off. Don't really like that person still hang out with her. If i were you, i'd tell her in her face instead of having to hang out with her, tolerating her every move. If she was true to you, she wouldn't be using her outer beauty to fight for a guy with you! & please, what's more important is the inner beauty. Her outer beauty can out-do you (which i don't think so), but can her inner beauty? -___-''' Does she deserve this friendship between you. If this is a definition of a friend, i really don't know what's a friend anymore. Once bitten, twice shy. Please uh, don't so dumb uh. Some friends, don't want sua. <: I wonder why some people's life are so slutfisticated. _|_

Neway, have been into some massive quarrels with tiko bi. It's hard to accept some truth(s) because it hurts. But it hurts more to be kept in the dark. ): Tiko bi, you should know how it feels like to be here, hanging on but yet, you're there 'trying' to mend things together by doing what you did. It's not going to help, will it? If it's going to help, i would urge you to continue. But do you see a progress in doing these? Is both you and i feeling better after what happened? Seeking for directions but it doesn't seem to work. I really wonder if it's telling me to hold on tight or let it loose. At this point of them, when i need you most. Where were you? Do you mean your every promises? You said you'd be there for me all the time, this was the most basic promise that mean the most to me from the very beginning. But where has this promise gone to? Am i setting my hopes too high on you? I guess, it's not time to leave yet. (': Facing the world without you is tough, but i'd go thru' it like how i'm suppose to do so.

"Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him."

50.

Heyheyhey, as said in the previous post, i'd be waiting for Jason to upload the remaining photos up onto facebook before i kop the photos to post on my blog. Well, i've gotten them and i'd be posting it.

I could almost clearly rmb what happened last night. Was struggling to get into blogger but safari couldn't read the page and all of a sudden, heard the 'B.O.O.M!' sound. Couldn't be bothered with what's happening outside, but not long aft, kept on hearing manly voice shouting just directly outside my gate so i went to take a quick peek. And i actually didn't know what was going on until i open the door and see smoke, fire and fire engine. -___-''' I'm really suspecting my sense of sight, smell and hearing. Pretty obvious there was a fire outbreak somewhere along my estate, but i couldn't catch the picture because previously was quarreling with that tiko bi. >': Stoned outside my house and watch how the firemen put out the fire, like a coolio. ;) Called michelle over to kaypoh, because it was opposite Mr Chan's house, so was thinking if he knew what exactly happened. But i swear, it's either he isn't home or he was sound asleep. ROLF! In the end, everything ended at around 12.45am. Reporters and policemen's all blocked that area, therefore, me and michelle decided to head home to rest. Joke! idk why we so kp, like fk! Well, im mizzingz my tiko biz nao! D: